Undisclosed Desires - Their First Kill

This is a short piece that is part of a much larger puzzle. :) But, for once with a big project, I thought I would share it with you. :)

It was inspired in part, well, more clarified, by Muse's 'Undisclosed Desires' (Wr. Matt Bellamy; The Resistance; NO RIGHTS OWNED, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO MUSE ET AL.). I have included the lyrics to said song (hence the rights declaration) as well as a link to the song. Enjoy and I hope you don't think I'm too much of a psycho after this. :) <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWTuKd2lTo4

"Undisclosed Desires"

I know you've suffered
But I don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless
I won't let you be denied

Soothing
I'll make you feel pure
Trust me
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner
But your innocence is mine

Please me
Show me how it's done
Tease me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me
Show me how it's done
Trust me
You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

---

"Their First Kill"

What do you do when all the world seems to be against you? Most would sit and wait until the turmoil was over, some even try to fight it – you against the world. But the most dangerous of all, are those who sit and endure the torment, plotting the demise of those deemed against them. Thankfully, the majority constrain these fantasies to their imagination, but the odd few – they act on them.

Trixie was not one of these people, however. She would not fight, would not plot, would not imagine. She was past these points. Sat in the back of the class swaddled in her oversized black parker, she seemed as if she should hold a knife or a lighter and be silently abusing the desk. She didn’t. Instead, she sat and watched the rest of the pupils – all their bright colours and flirtation, their laughs and their mocks. They were only fifteen, but demons already. Demons to Trixie.

“What is with your hair, don’t you ever brush it?!” – “Wash it more like.” They laugh.

“You’re such a loner. Are you some form of social retard of something? Oh, you can’t talk? Look guys, she won’t talk!” They gather.

“You’re still a virgin aren’t you? You’ll always be a virgin. Bets up people!” – “She’ll only lose her ‘flower’ if someone steals it from her.” Hyenas. All of them.

She puts up with the shoves and the rubbing up against her as if she were a piece of meat. A piece of meat only used for her holes. She won’t do anything. Never would she do anything.

But he would.

Sat in the opposite corner of the room, tie done up, hair gelled into it’s perfect side parting, shirt steamed, Mick watches. He always watches. He adjusted his glasses, turned to the front and, right under the teacher’s nose, put his hand up.

Shhhhhhhhhh.

The room silences. The hyena’s change their spots. Or their target. Trixie is no longer their afternoon snack. The nerd in the front, all straight A’s and skipping grades of him, is their main meal now.

And this is how it was. The underdog would stick up for the runt of the litter. But never would they interact – she never wanting anything to do with anyone, comfortable with the company of her own sarcastic thoughts, him too shy and too much of a social retard to be able to string two words together to talk to her. He was also afraid she might shank him – he never quite knew whether he was standing up for her, or for the others’ lives.

Leant against the school fence Trixie watched as all the world headed back to the comfort of their own homes. Once again she had been left alone and vulnerable. One of these days the frat boys would hold true to their threats of rape, or ‘deflowering’ as they would no doubt refer to it, a ‘favour to help the social reject’. And she didn’t think that anyone at home would care, or even notice. So she stood in acceptance. This was how it was going to be.

A wind picked up and she pulled her hood up. Passing comments were thrown from the other side of the street. No one dared come near her outside the cosy protection of authorities. Amazing what a dark coloured parker will do for you. She would never do anything that was rumoured about her, but kept the worn out parker in order to afford the distance she wanted from humanity.

She noticed as the frat kids, colour-filled and mini-ly clad, climbed into the back of an old VW Camper Van, the oldest of them driving. Oh what Fridays bought! Sex and the lack of parental guidance – whether they thought their kids were at each others’ home or on a school trip no one but them would know, and no one but them would care.

Trixie watched as the van pulled away, the latest radio crap blasting from the speakers and the sluts barely managing to keep it in their pants any longer. She felt the wind on her face, cool and with a salty scent to it. The street was almost clear of everyone but Trixie. Her fingers clung to the wiring of the school gate, winding their way around the mesh, finding the cold, hard steal comforting.

Suddenly there was a heart wrenching screech and a thunderous clash. Trixie jumped and looked down the road in the direction of the noises. Without any thought her legs started moving and she was running toward the sounds. As she drew nearer the distinctive sounds of screaming filtered into the air, and she picked up speed, her heart pounding, the rare feeling of care rushing through her veins faster and faster.

As suddenly as they came, the screams all stopped.

Trixie rounded the corner to see the old VW Camper her tormenters had left in on it’s side, tires blown, burning.

She stopped, torn for a moment. Confused.

Then there was movement, the back doors of the camper quivering and rocking as if being rammed. Trixie ran forward, tearing off her beloved parker and it’s flammable fabrics. She reached the doors of the camper, grabbing the handle and singeing the skin on her hands. The fire was hot, seemingly melting her flesh. She couldn’t get the door open. It was too hot. She pulled off the sweater she was wearing. She was down to a simple tank top and jeans. She reached forward and yanked at the door once more. Sweat dripped down her cheek, falling off at her chin. One more heave. She screamed in her efforts…

With force enough to through her off balance, the door swung open. She hit the floor grazing her elbows on the rough tarmac. There was a dark figure hunched over in the van. It was coughing from the smoke billowing out of the back of the truck. Trixie scrambled up and ran to get the figure out of the wreckage.

As she approached, the features of the man became clear. The shirt, now crumpled and blackened, the hair still perfectly in place. Trixie almost slammed into Mick, surprise distracting her from stopping. He looked up at her, a mixed expression on his face, one no one could really tell the intention of. She looked down at him, down at the blade he carried. At the blood soaked blade he carried.

The contents of the van suddenly became clearer. Smoke was escaping fast enough for the air to be translucent once more. It was an image out of a horror movie. The bodies, mangled by the crash but killed by the blade, leaked blood that soaked into the soles of her shoes. They no longer resembled human beings. They no longer resembled anything that ever lived.

Trixie looked back up at Mick, his expression becoming clearer. It bounced between innocent shock and violent, silent victory. There was blood splattered on the lens of his glasses. Trixie looked from the bodies to him, mouth gaping open in confusion. Mick looked expectantly at the begoggled girl in front of him, as if he had just kissed her for the first time. Trixie stared at him, mouth closing slowly.

She reached forward and gently removed his glasses. They stared at each other. The glasses never reached their clean state. Instead, they shattered, as they connected with the van at the feet of the two teenagers. They stared at each other, minds racing. But it was simple. Everything was simple once again. As they stared at each other, stood amongst the destruction and mutilation, a small smile formed on the lips of both of them.

"That was a great life."

Loss does funny things to you. Whether it is the fear of loss or loss itself, each person reacts to it differently. Some cry, some hide it, some run, and some bake. Me? I do a bit of all. Whether it is to protect myself, or others, or even because I don’t know what else to do so follow the example set by the people around me.

Loss is one of those things that we dread, that we instinctively deny. No one truly wants to lose something – even weight. Because, once it’s gone, we fear that maybe a little piece of our self, our lives, will go along with it. And we don’t quite know which part of us will be leaving.

But one of the scariest things about loss, I think, is the hanging cloud it leaves behind, sometimes for years after the actual event. To the point that we see a situation that may lead to yet another loss, and we run, we panic, and, unlike before the first time we lost a friend, a pet, or even that Barbie doll, we can’t see sunny side of things. Or, at the least, the sun is hiding behind the clouds and letting the cool breeze of memory chill our bones. It regurgitates all of the emotions and fears that you felt last time – the confusion, the cluelessness, the desperation. Even the guilt.

Loss is the trigger for so many other emotions. Even though we know we couldn’t have done anything to stop it, we still feel guilty and responsible in some minute way that we are compelled to do more than needed the next time we are in that situation in the fear that the guilt will be doubled, our self-doubt will double and we will eventually break under the pressure of the guilt – the guilt that started only from a sense of helplessness brought upon by loss.

But - and there’s always a but - sometimes, in the one in a million chance (that happens all the time) instead of guilt, instead of fear, we experience something magical. We experience love. Complete and unwavering love in its purest kind. If we’re really lucky, we don’t get affected by the memories of loss, the friend, the pet, the loss of that Barbie doll. Instead, we focus on the sunny side as it prevails – a million years of power sat in the sky beating the cloud who began only twenty five minutes ago. And like the patient given a few days to live, we spend as much time with our situation, making the most of it, learning from it, loving it. Ignoring the possibility that this will lead to a greater loss, but hoping it will leave you thinking the best thought:

‘That was a great life.’

See It / Gods

A storm was brewing; the gods swelling in anticipation at the show that would unfold before them on the little blue and green planet amongst the stars. A noisy little planet with so much potential and so much curiosity, mixed up in the higher battle of good and evil, right and wrong. And they had no idea.

You see, everything is connected. Every thought that occurs is a version of the truth, and every version is a part of something whole and out there; The belief that there are higher beings, the belief that you might one day acquire super powers and fly like Superman, or even that Santa is real. The human race, insignificant in the bigger picture concerning the gods, created their world and thus, in their own little way, had become the most significant element to those higher deities. And neither man nor god knew it until now.

Stepping out of doors, looking out of windows, peering through the bars in prisons, every human felt it. They felt how the gods watched in both shock and anticipation at what the tiny beings would do next. You could smell it in the air that whipped hair across your face in such a fierce manner it stung. And it all started with a simple love story.

Before you dismiss it, you have to agree that everything normally starts with a love story. Life starts with a love story; now isn’t that a thought. And it made Cupid so very smug, as long as he didn’t think of Aphrodite and Ares... Ew.

The basic form of love is friendship, and these two were the best of; Jacob Jacobi and Elisa Donatello. The children of the gods fighting the universal battle with their parents, but not just yet. Now they are just sitting. Sitting on the green, green grass outside their school building at lunch time. They had known each other only a few years, but in that time had developed a true bond. They would laugh and talk about the smallest things, punch each other playfully and have in jokes that changed so rapidly no outsider could ever keep up. No one believed that they were just friends. It was always ‘he likes her’ or ‘she likes him’. The fascination others held behind their motive amused the two equally and they loved to play up to it, just for giggles.

But this is not the love story you think it is. Yes, there may have been some extra chemistry between Jacob and Elisa, but they aren’t the ones in love. No, not this time. In the span of a week Jacob had met, fallen for and been taken by another; Eris. She was foreign. Greek, I believe.

This would not have bothered Elisa if only Jacob had not started to ignore her in their every day life. He was always on the phone talking to Elis, or with her in person and thus making Elisa feel like the definite third wheel. There was no more laughing or talking about the biggest things never mind the smallest things, no playfulness nor any in jokes. People could understand their conversations now …

Elisa tried to get to know Eris, but there didn’t seem to be a mutual intrigue. Every move to get to know anything about the mysterious Eris was blocked to the point Jacob started to get angry at the suggestion of a meeting, so Elisa simply gave up - disheartened.

This went on for weeks, months. Elisa and Jacob grew apart. It was the end of an era. The end of Elisa calling ‘I’ and having Jacob appear with that slightly frustrated look at his name shortened to the one letter difference once mocked by others. The end of the Teenage Mutant Ninja jokes. Jacob was in bliss with Eris and Elisa… well, Elisa got by.

But let’s not see Jacob or Eris as the bad guys here. They were just doing what every couple does. And in a relationship where you give all your time to someone and another is introduced, the time has to spread evenly, right? Jacob would still have conversations with Elisa - that could not be avoided, unlike the topic of his new gal. He believed that Elisa was put off due to jealousy (in his more egotistical moments) or because their friendship had changed so rapidly.

Elisa didn’t see it like this, however. But soon she gave up trying to make the ideal world in her head come true and carried on with her life. Only in moments of isolated silence did Elisa feel any strong emotion toward the situation, but she hid it well. Until, on a walk with her dog Thea, Elisa came across Eris in the clearing between the forest and the sea. Elisa had seen pictures of Eris on facebook and would not have recognised her in any other situation.

As Thea ran ahead of Elisa, barking at the wind, she noticed a sentient figure stood at the edge of the drop into the sea. There was a heavy wind playing with the woman’s dress and lifting her hair to the gods. Elisa only noticed her due to her position; people were known for throwing themselves to their watery death here. Walking slowly toward the woman Elisa soon recognised the sharp nose, the deep auburn eyes, the slender, majestic frame.

‘Eris.’

Simply said. Not a question, nor a statement, nor a call to attention. Just an escaped thought. Eris didn’t seem to take it that way. Whipping around to glare at the intruder to her moment she held the fiercest look Elisa had ever seen. It was the look that chilled bones. The look that made you want to run. It wasn’t human in its coldness. Elisa, however, held her ground. She was frozen by shock and confusion and, most of all, fear. Suddenly the wind got strong, the clouds darker, the air more electrified. Thea started to bark at the sky, soon whimpering away from it – he could sense it too. Within seconds Eris disappeared. One second she was there, the next she wasn’t. There was a whirlwind where she stood.

Elisa panicked, thinking Eris had thrown herself off the cliff, and ran to its edge. The waters were rough and swelling ferociously, but there was no splash, no sense that something had fallen in – no bubbles, no nothing. As Elisa began to look around – maybe she had dived into a bush? – Thea ran up to her and started trying to push her away from the water, getting more panicked as he went. Finally, to Thea’s relief, Elisa decided to put Thea back on his leash and head home fast.

As soon as they got home Elisa called Jacob. The phone was engaged - many times – but she wasn’t going to give up so easily. She sent messages, called all numbers she could think of, spammed every method of communication she could. Finally, he picked up.

‘Elisa?’

‘Yes!’ Elisa practically shouted down the receiver in relief, ‘Where are you?’

‘Woah, calm girl. I’m at home, waiting for Eris.’

‘Who have you been on the phone with all this time?’

There was confused silence on the other end.

‘I haven’t,’ Jacob said, perplexed, ‘The phone hasn’t –‘

He stopped mid-sentence, ‘Listen Elisa, I gotta go, Eris is here now. Thanks for calling. Bye.’

Elisa tried to stop him, but he didn’t let a word of hers in and he was gone before she had the chance to say stop.

A tight ball had formed in her chest. She had to do something. Now.

She had quickly left the house and within minutes was at the door of Jacob’s house three streets away from hers. She banged on the door so hard it shook. The skies had settled by the time she had reached home, but now, the louder she banged on the doors, the more the heaven’s swelled, almost defensively.

Finally Jacob opened the door. Eris was nowhere to be seen.

‘You’ve got to stay away from her,’ was all Elisa was able to say before the lightning started.

Jacob pulled her inside and closed the door.

‘What are you talking about?’

He had a look of confusion, concern and, most hurtful of them all, frustration.

‘I saw her,’ Elisa started to panic, looking around her frantically to check if the witch was near enough to strangle her, ‘I saw her by Seacliff, standing by the sea, she had this look…’

Jacob exhaled deeply, as if he was dealing with the problem child who constantly lied for attention.

‘Then,’ Elisa tried to continue, ‘Then…’

She stopped as she could see Jacob wasn’t listening to her.

There was a moment of silence before there was the loudest crack either of them had heard ripped through the air. It was like a tree had been split and had fallen on top of them. The lights in the house flickered and were, for milliseconds, replaced by blinding bright flashes of lightening. Suddenly the television in the next room turned itself on.

‘There have recently been freak weather conditions,’ it cracked and fizzed, ‘meant to be sunny.’

It popped and turned off at the next strike of thunder.

Jacob started to panic and hold his head in fear of something falling on him. He started to curse under his breath. Elisa could only look up and around at the walls. She moved to look out a window to see the trees nearly uprooting themselves and lawn furniture swept up in the air. Then she did something nothing could explain.

Getting angry she moved back to the front door and opened it. It burst open nearly flinging her backwards with its force. She could hear Jacob questioning her angrily in the background. Elisa moved outside in the wind and it started to rain little bullets that threatened to break skin on contact. Jacob followed her trying to get her back inside.

‘STOP IT!’ She shouted at the sky like a mother telling her quarrelling children off, ‘STOP IT NOW!’

‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!’ Jacob called out from behind her, just as the majority of the gods were doing to the one who compelled Elisa to do what she is doing.

‘STOP!!!’ Elisa carried on glaring at the sky.

Suddenly there was a flash of light in front of them then Eris appeared in its place. Jacob fell silent. Before the two of them could be shocked, Eris had moved at lightning speed at Elisa and had pinned her to a wall by her throat. Eris’ nails dug into Elisa’s jugular and she pressed her whole weight down on Elisa. Elisa’s vision was filled with the sight of Eris, transfixed on the grey, bulging pupils. The tunnel vision she developed after a second just made Eris’ pupils more prominent and terrifying.

They stayed like this for a moment. Elisa rapidly losing focus as her brain starved of oxygen. Then, without notice, Eris pressed her lips hard to Elisa’s. Elisa started to panic and struggle, grabbing hold of Eris’ hair and pulling, hard. Eris was forced away from her with a curious look of hurt on her face. The breath that Elisa managed to get back was instantly taken away from her again at the sound that came from Eris now; a high pitched screech that was neither human nor animal. It emitted from her like a torture device and reached all the way through to Elisa’s bones. Jacob threw up at the sound and nearly collapsed.

The noise carried on going, making Elisa wanting to throw up too. She had to do something.

‘STOP IT!!!’ She screamed back, and ran at Eris, tackling her to the ground.

The screech stopped as soon as they made contact. The floor came up incredibly fast and the two hit it with force enough to break bones. A struggle ensued that left both women with blood dripping from their hair lines. Eris pushed Elisa away from her and stood up and stalked over to Elisa.

‘STOP!’

This time it wasn’t coming from either woman. Jacob was struggling to keep himself upright at the front of his house. The rain gave up and the wind died down slightly as both women turned to stare at him in shock. He doubled over in exhaustion. Elisa glared at Eris who towered over her at this point.

‘See what you’ve done?!’ Elisa said so quietly, almost to herself, but definitely pointed at Eris, who glared back at her. She then looked back to Jacob, then back at Elisa. A tear escaped her eye and fell to the floor.

‘See what you’ve done.’ It escaped Elisa as an after-thought and didn’t come as a question this time. Eris continued to stare at her in silence.

‘You, you see your life, your love,’ Elisa continued, out of breath and slightly pleadingly, ‘but you don’t see how your life impacts on everyone else. You never will. No one ever will. But this,’ she gestured to the weather and the situation, ‘this affects everyone, and you can see it. So see it.’

There was a moment of horrifying silence in which no one knew if Eris would cry of kill someone. She looked at Jacob who was staring back. Then back to Elisa. Her expression had softened ever so slightly.

‘How ironic,’ she said just before she disappeared in a whirlwind.

The sun broke through the cloud and the wind died down completely. Elisa stayed on the ground, in the middle of the road, perched on her elbows and looked at Jacob who held the same dumbfounded expressions as the gods above did.